AMMAN – Some people classify themselves as a "magnet point" for toxic people or unhealthy "toxic" relationships, with the consequent harm to an individual's emotional, mental or physical health.

Toxic relationships usually involve a pattern of behavior, in which one person uses manipulation to exert control over the other, leading to feelings of fear, anxiety and stress. So why are people attracted to toxic relationships? And how can this pattern be broken?

"An individual is raised on a set of knowledge, values and behaviors through which his actions and behavior can be judged and evaluated. The psychological structure of the individual plays a pivotal role in determining his attitudes, values and behavior."

Mounir Akl: The person who causes toxic relationships suffers from an unstable psychological state (Al Jazeera)

Akl explains that a person who wants to spread the epidemic of "toxic relationships" suffers from an unstable psychological state, and wants to bring the other to a deteriorating psychological behavioral state, to the point of not being able to respect and appreciate himself, by detracting from his value and ridiculing him. In doing so, he loses confidence in himself and pushes him to keep thinking about the problem and puts obstacles in front of him so that he does not think about the solution.

He explains that this person "has many illusions, so he sees pain in work, and cannot express himself and his opinion, so his psychological immunity weakens, and thus facilitates control of the owner of the epidemic of toxic relationships."

The consultant likens the mind of toxic relationships to "a cancer that penetrates into the psychological structure of man and destroys it", and the manifestations of this destruction are:

  • Feeling that life has lost value, that it is nothing in society, with the thought of abandoning its life and social responsibilities.
  • Introversion and depression due to loss of the ability to dialogue and self-expression.
  • The constant feeling of remorse for not being able to resist this reality.
  • He becomes dependent on others, and always expects help from them.
  • Feeling insecure and disrespectful to others.

  • Congestion with excessive negative energy.

    Toxic relationships are like a cancer that penetrates into the psychological structure of humans and destroys them (Pixels)

Therapeutic steps

Akl believes that recovery from a toxic relationship requires awareness of it, and work to address it if both parties have the real and sincere intention. The controlling party (who broadcasts the toxic relationship) is often rejected, because he wants to keep the other party weak to facilitate control, and therefore the affected party must take the following remedial steps:

  • Immediately get out of the environment where people with toxic relationships are located.
  • Surrounding oneself with positive people, because sociologists confirm that a person is the rate of his 5 closest people in intelligence, success, psychological and behavioral stability.
  • Review specialists from psychological and behavioral counselors to benefit from their expertise.

Toxic qualities

For his part, psychiatrist Dr. Mazen Moqabela says: In social psychology, there is a phenomenon known as "attracting a toxic person", which is the attraction of a person to another party whose behavior is considered strange, bad or dangerous in the environment around him. This group of people has toxic traits, such as:

  • Narcissism
  • Authoritarianism
  • Selfishness
  • Exploitative
  • Manipulating others
  • Vanity

  • Exaggerated audacity.

    One manifestation of involvement in a toxic relationship is an individual's sense of insecurity (Shutterstock)

"Although we are aware of this, we continue to be attracted to them!" "Simply put, in neuroscience there is a part of the human brain called the reward system. This primitive system relies on instinct and is found in animals, which secretes a chemical in the brain called dopamine, which is responsible for a person's sense of pleasure and temporary euphoria when he gets his basic needs, such as eating and drinking, or his secondary needs related to the basic such as: money, power, emotional relationships and others."

But the problem with this system is that routine or traditional things do not stimulate it significantly, unlike strange or changing things that increase dopamine in a tremendous way that results in a strong feeling of euphoria and pleasure, and for a short time, which pushes a person to repeat the experience even if it is harmful, and here begins the addiction stage, according to Mazen interview.

He attributes this to the fact that "toxic personalities are able, unfortunately, to stimulate this nervous system more than traditional people, because of their ever-changing behavior, and their strange responses that are difficult to predict, making the other party reluctant and confused to act with them, so the secretion of dopamine increases, the pleasure increases, attachment to them increases, and it enters the stage of addiction to their existence in his life."

Recovery from a toxic relationship requires awareness of the problem and work to address it (Pixels)

Healthy limits

According to the website "Soberish", the individual can get rid of the toxic people around him by setting healthy limits, including:

  • Think about your needs: Take some time to think about your needs, values, and personal limits, and what are your emotional, physical, and mental limits? Understand what you feel comfortable with, and what goes beyond your limits.
  • Learn to say "no": It's okay to say "no" when something doesn't align with your boundaries or values. Practice refusing requests or activities that make you exhausted or uncomfortable. Remember that your needs are important, and it's important to respect them.
  • Monitor your responses: Pay attention to what you feel and react to in a relationship. Do you constantly feel anxious, unhappy or overwhelmed? It may be a sign that your limits have been violated, or you need to set additional limits.
  • Adjust the consequences: Clearly define the consequences of exceeding your limits, and inform your partner/friend/relative. Consequences can range from preventing contact, separation, and seeking marital/family counseling as a condition for maintaining a relationship. The goal is to protect yourself and create the conditions for a healthy relationship.