Sitting at the table only with a swimsuit and other 'bad manners' that are imposed

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Cross with your neighbors in the portal and share a couple of phrases with them, thank the waiter who brings you the drink, give the seat to the elderly person who has just got on the bus or put on a shirt to eat on the beach ... are they customs in disuse?

Behaviors called 'good manners' that were once very common, but now many believe that they have been lost. They are part of what was considered good manners, it seems that today questioned especially by the youngest. But what are these unwritten rules of behavior that are passed down from generation to generation? They are defined by an expert, Gerardo Correas, president of the International School of Protocol Group: "They are education standards established for a better coexistence."

Is good education a thing of the past?

75.9% of Spaniards believe that it has been lost, a percentage that varies according to age.

A behavior in society that varies and accommodates itself as it is transformed. And although it seems to the elderly that there are immutable things, it is not so, according to Correas: "They are rules that are modified according to the time or place, there is nothing impepinable." And he gives an example: "My father addressed yours from you, and yet I addressed mine from you." The scenario, therefore, is that of a generational change that, moreover, has always occurred and will always occur.

The data speaks

A train wreck that makes the elderly exclaim on many occasions that where has good education gone? The result of the survey supports this phrase, because to the question of whether it has been lost in general terms, 75.9% of respondents answer yes. With one exception: this percentage drops to 57.5% when those who answer are the youngest. The expert qualifies and insists on the passage of time and the evolution of society: "Good manners have not been lost, what happens is that the ways of relating have been modified."

So are they, those in their twenties, the ones who most blithely flout these rules? This is what 8 out of 10 Spaniards believe. And who thinks so? Above all, those aged between 45 and 64. A generation gap that leads us to wonder if young people have not received a good education, as it was conceived before.

Neither good nor bad. Gerardo Correas emphasizes that it is, simply, "different". "Society moves, and therefore an education is formed, he points out, "and we see things that surprise us, because now everything is going at ultra-fast speed and these changes lead to a complicated generational transition."

Everyday situations

Let's go to the day to day to try to evaluate the degree of good manners that we retain. Maybe we will get some surprises. 90% say they thank them when they give way, a figure that drops to 74.4% if the youngest speak.

Other everyday situations: Do you give up your seat on the bus or subway if an elderly or disabled person or a pregnant woman enters? 74% say that they do get up to leave their place to the other, 59.9% when it comes to the youngest questioned. Do you consider it appropriate to listen to the mobile without headphones when you are in a public place? 81.4% do not see it well, and in this question there are no significant variations according to age segments.

How we behave on a day-to-day basis

63.4% say no to eating without a shirt, 75.8% greet neighbors and 71.2% use cutlery correctly.

And if you meet your neighbors on the street, do you greet them? 75.6% do. Here there is an upward curve as we advance in age: 49% of the youngest, 68% of those between 30 and 44 years old, 81% of those between 45 and 64 years old, and 93% of those 65 years and older.

Something similar happens when sitting at the table and handling the cutlery correctly. Just over half (56.2%) of young people say they know how to use them, but the percentage rises to 84% if older people respond.

Inequality here too?

So far the general. Because once again gender biases come to light: if we talk about giving way to a woman at a door for the fact of being one, or that it is the man who pays the bill in the restaurant for that, because he is a man.

Gerardo Correas is clear: "Before a door, I let the other pass whether it is a woman or a man." And once again he insists on his assessment of the evolution of society: "Today it could be considered sexist to give favorable treatment to women, because they entered the labor market, and that meant that they were equal to men. The social relationship has changed."

Do good manners hide gender biases?

Young people think so, the opposite of older people.

Again, it depends on how old you are when it comes to answering whether good manners hide certain gender biases. 68.5% of the elderly answer yes, a figure that drops to 46.3% when young people answer.

And, alas, when it comes to scratching their pockets to pay the bill, half of those under 29 consider it inappropriate for men to invite a woman on a date, while only 24.6% of those over 65 think the same.

* Population: general over 16 years. Scope: Spain. Information collection technique: through the Sigma Dos by Trust Survey panel. Field date: May 26 to June 2, 2023. Sample: 1,231 interviews. The sample allows working with a margin of error of +-2.4% for global data, with a confidence level of 95% and the most unfavorable case of dichotomous variables with two equally probable categories (p = q = 0.5).

For a moral revolution

Loola Perez

A good morning, giving up the seat or keeping your composure at the wheel are gestures that we recognize as kind. Modal forms build our customs and, therefore, our values. These are patterns of behavior provided with ethical principles and that play an inescapable role in social coexistence. However, the fact that they may be desirable and appropriate does not mean that they are unquestionable.

With the passage of time and the arrival of democracy, we have freed ourselves from social norms that hindered relationships, prevented a flexibilization of roles or disciplined us until spontaneity was taken away from us. Social advances that have favored women's rights, the misuse of technology to dehumanize the other or the constant call to nonconformity as synonymous with selfishness have also come to exterminate some of the most traditional manners.

It is no longer expected that the male will foot the bill on a date. The vast majority of us have forgotten the importance of opening and closing a conversation in the virtual world. We have normalized ghosting, orbiting and all its demons. And many of those who presume emotional responsibility and being good people give themselves permission to treat others badly when they do not have a good day.

Another good example of how certain manners are in disuse is found in politics: ironic interventions that seek to humiliate the rival reward the defense of the proposals. It seems that good manners and civility have a cost: not attracting attention and consequently, not appearing in the headlines.

We need a moral revolution that rescues them, but linked to civility, social criticism and exempt from all authoritarianism. And, of course, consider our current context of socialization, that hybrid between the digital and the physical.