Experts say that mental health suffers an injection of energy when you criticize your ex-partner, as that relief becomes a cathartic emotional moment that allows you to process thoughts and reduce accumulated tension, thus releasing negative emotional energy. In fact, grief is made up of six phases, the second being that of anger.

During this period it is completely normal to criticize your ex-partner, because anger is an emotion that emerges when you feel that rights have been violated. In fact, that anger is what will also help you not to relapse, because it works as a reminder of what they did to you.

Beware: from healthy anger to obsession there is a step

"It's an adaptive emotion. For rabies to be healthy, it has to be temporary. The criticism has to be told to your intimate person, with whom you can verbalize the pain, or to your intimate club of friends, but temporarily. It is important that these people are not friends with your ex, and I do not recommend criticizing your ex to people beyond those who make up your inner circle. The reasons? You remain a resentful person, 'brown' the memory of the relationship and there may even be a boomerang effect if your ex starts talking badly about you, "explains Lara Ferreiro, author of 'Addicted to an asshole' (Grijalbo).

"Many people get stuck in anger when, for example, their ex has been unfaithful, and it is a phase that can end up leading to an obsession. You have to do what, when you look back in a year, doesn't make you regret. Constant criticism is harmful, because you maintain resentment and that feeling of negativity and pain. It will prevent you from moving forward and you will feed the obsession, preventing you from moving to phase three of the duel. Anger is very dangerous: it generates stress, frustration and will prevent you from moving forward, meeting people and can even cause youto take anger at men (or women) and generalize, "he warns.

Zero contact and time

The best way to overcome the breakup is to bet on zero contact. Block your ex-partner or silence his content to avoid falling into the temptation of investigating what he is doing with his life since you left him, especially if he has a new partner, because the content you may encounter could be especially delicate for your emotions and for your ego.

You also have to learn to manage the traffic light of anger. "It's green when we're calm, orange when we're warming up and red when we write to the ex, insult, call friends and put green ... Before you have to do a containment exercise so as not to regret it. When asked by someone not close to the relationship, tryto imitate yourself to simply say that you ran out of love. To get out of that bubble, you have to do an honest self-evaluation and recognize the mistakes you have made too. It is important to avoid constant obsession and limit the time you spend talking about your ex, that time I call junk time. You stay with your inner circle and talk a maximum of 20 minutes about that person and then move on to talk about other topics and thus avoid feeding back the toxic. Zero consumption is essential. There are people who do not write to their ex, but there are those who then seem to be from the FBI when it comes to, for example, spying on their networks ... It is also convenient to look for different opinions from someone who is not so involved in the relationship and who is more objective, and even go to therapy and seek advice sometimes to restructure ideas and focus on self-care, practicing sports and having a more positive mentality, "says psychologist Lara Ferreiro.

The risks of pink memory

Another vital point is to select the information you are going to share and make sure that those who receive it are close people. In case you prefer that people do not comment, you can make the request that they only give it to you if you require it, pointing out that you prefer not to talk so much about the subject or make only a limited relief. "In the phase of desolation and fears, you see everything black, but it has to look like this, because otherwise the pink memory comes into play, and that's when the ghosts of returning are activated.Over time, when you reach the acceptance and learning phase, you will already have an adjusted memory," adds Ferreiro.

It is vital to remember that spite and criticism will not affect the other, but oneself. In the same way that Piqué possibly, beyond the fact that his private life has been aired publicly, brings him without care what Shakira says (let's not forget that he already has a partner), it is best that we abandon the role of victims as soon as possible in order to move forward.

Of course, never stop expressing your emotions to avoid being prey to frustration. From the unsent letter that Ferreiro mentioned to 'the empty chair', a tactic that consists of imagining that you have your ex-partner in front of you to tell him everything you feel, these formulas will help your brain to discharge negative emotions. Let's not forget that women cry, no matter how much Shakira says no, but in most cases, we don't bill for releasing pests.

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