The syndrome of Bisbal's ex: why the other triumphs... when you leave him
The Almudena Cid case or the reasons why it stings to know that your ex-partner is getting married or going to have a child
If Sofia Coppola
is an expert at anything,
it is in portraying what it means to be a complex, young woman surrounded by the strong masculine influence of an adult man, and without a doubt, 'Priscilla' stands as the epitome of her specialty.
The filmmaker has made sure to make us see that the
love story
between
Elvis
and
Priscilla,
far from being a fairy tale, was actually a
nightmare of control
in which
aesthetics
were a
weapon of domination.
As the film's wardrobe manager,
Stacey Battat,
told 'The Cut', the musical idol's extremely controlling personality led him to
mold the young woman's wardrobe
to her whim.
"We not only wanted to make the fashion denote how she was growing up, but also the growing influence of Elvis."
Therefore, as the relationship falls apart, she
rebels through her wardrobe,
opting for more prints and colors, since he despised
prints
("you're too short to wear prints" and brown, which reminded him of the army.
Does your relationship seem like 'Your style on trial'?
Alert
The story of Elvis and Priscilla is marked by
domination
, and that is why we did not want to miss the opportunity to ask ourselves what to do if
our partner
tells us
how to dress
or begins to
criticize
our wardrobe.
We spoke with
Anna Vicen Renner,
who as a
coach
specialized in
self-esteem
and
relationships,
finds it essential to address this problem that
many women
face in their romantic relationships.
"Some of the bases of a healthy relationship are mutual respect, trust, communication or acceptance of individuality. If
your partner
begins to
impose his preferences
on how
you should dress
, your
alarm
should go off. And, in fact, the from the other party as well. The time has come to
establish clear limits
and, of course, to communicate openly, honestly and with respect, how you are feeling in the relationship so that the other's way of dressing is being judged. ", he assures.
"If your partner is controlling the way you dress, express how his insistence makes you feel and how it affects your freedom of choice, as well as your authenticity and individuality. This can even affect your
self-esteem
, as you feel that the way you dress What you wear makes him not like you. It will also be important to encourage
dialogue
so that he can explain the
reasons behind his suggestions,
and here it will be essential that you both maintain assertive communication to be able to listen to what is really happening to the other. Of course, make it clear. that the last decision about your clothing will be yours," he explains to Yo Dona.
This is how domination is woven through fashion
Although the case of control through Elvis's aesthetics is the one that, for current reasons, before the premiere of Coppola's film, is the one that is most commented on today, we cannot forget the figure of
Ye
(previously known by
Kanye West) ,
who in a worryingly open way, has done the same with their partners.
Amber Rose
explained to 'Elle' magazine in 2009 that her ex-partner
tried to make her his Barbie,
something we were able to see in his brief but high-profile relationship with
Julia Fox,
to whom on their first date he gave a
complete wardrobe of clothes
( the fashionista version of a book
love bombing
), and to whom he dressed as he pleased.
The case of
Kim Kardashian
is now even part of pop culture for having been portrayed in the reality show 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' in an episode dating back to 2012. In it, after a couple of months of relationship, Ye and a stylist They are responsible for
removing
every garment and accessory
that the rapper
didn't like from
Kim 's closet.
As if that were not enough, six years later, also on the
show
, Kim commented that her partner had flown to Paris to be with her for 24 hours.
The reason?
Don't think this is a romantic gesture: Yeezy's creative director had seen some images taken by the paparazzi in which Kardashian was wearing clothes he didn't like.
The final twist came when he tried to stop Kim from wearing the impressive
Thierry Mugler
look with which she dazzled at the
MET gala,
and that was when the businesswoman stopped her.
"You're my wife and it bothers me that the photos are too sexy," she told him the night before the gala.
"You made me a sexy and confident woman; just because you are on a journey of transformation doesn't mean I am in the same place."
As we well know, Kim wore the iconic look.
Now, Ye is making sure to make the closet of his wife, Bianca Censori, an antagonistic fashionista spectrum in which, as we already mentioned in Yo Dona, many believe that she is
hypersexualizing
and even
objectifying her partner.
Clothing, a form of control like any other
But how is aesthetics used as a mode of domination?
"The fact that someone tells you how you have to go, what you have to wear or not wear, is a
form of control.
When we control, we put ourselves a few steps above the other person, disavowing them. Deep down, those stairs we climb, what they really say about us is that, inside,
we feel a lot of insecurity.
You may be wondering what other people are going to say about you when they see this person next to me. The
most extreme part
Of all that is when I order or emotionally manipulate you to go or not go in a certain way. Some examples: when I tell you that if you go like that I won't go with you. When I make you
feel ridiculous
because of how you are dressed. When through words affectionate things, I make you feel bad or modify your wardrobe, body, features... You may reach a point where
you don't know what is right or wrong,
and then turn to that person to tell you what to wear. Or you may even start to
modify your wardrobe
to avoid arguments," explains the author of 'How to Stop Being a Good Girl',
Mireia RodrÃguez.
"Although we are talking about clothing, this is a topic that ends up being extrapolated to many more areas of the relationship: which
friends
you can go with and which ones you can't, what
activities
you can do and which others you can't... In situations like this, I take a step Little by little, the person has climbed steps, and from the height, he manages to have absolute security through control, making you feel small, afraid and deprived of that freedom of expression and choice that you have for the simple fact of being human. In cases like this, I recommend
asking for professional help.
Remember that you are an adult and free person. No one has the right to make you feel small, much less in the name of love," he says.
Things never stay in the closet...
Cristina Soria,
author of 'The book that will save your relationship', delves into the importance of differentiating when your partner makes a
comment praising
how a garment fits you and when he tells you
what to wear,
intimidating your freedom. and your decision making.
"If what he does is the latter, we find ourselves with
controlling behavior
with which he wants to
crush your self-esteem and destroy your will.
There are many options to set limits, but possibly, that is not the only control he wants to have over you. Does he look at your cell phone? Does he distance you from your friends? Is there more criticism towards you?
Run away, and seek the help of a professional,
if you need it, to work on your security and self-esteem. It may be difficult for him to see it the first time, with What I would say to anyone who finds themselves in such a case is to stop for five minutes to observe how their body receives this way of imposing itself on them and what sensations they have, because they are sure to find signs of discomfort, they feel violated and they do not receive it. as a gesture of love. You have to set limits and break the relationship, if necessary," he explains.
Fit reality into a fantasy
That Priscilla that Coppola's feature film portrays is the
idealized vision
that Elvis had of his wife, whom he wanted to portray as a virginal icon whose wardrobe would reinforce that aura
devoid of sex and perversion,
which he sought outside of marriage.
In this way, his looks are a trap and, as we have mentioned, an element of control that we must pay attention to when he transcends the big screen.
"In conclusion, in a healthy relationship, individual freedom, respect and open communication are essential. Aesthetics is a personal expression that must be enhanced, and it must be a terrain where both parties feel free, also allowing each other to communicate. In fact, in a healthy relationship, often the other person's suggestions can motivate you to find new clothes that flatter you even more, help you explore a new wardrobe, or help you dare to wear something that you've never worn before," says Anna Vicen Renne in closing.
In short: it is essential that neither hip movements, nor love bombing gestures, nor absolutely anything (not even the 1.98 of Jacob Elordi, who plays Elvis in Sofia Coppola's film) are capable of ' make up' the control that finds in aesthetics and its domain a dangerous element of manipulation and whipping of self-esteem.
Psychology
Couples