Cao Haiqin, 40, was pressed the pause button.
In August 2020, she suffered from breast cancer and underwent two surgeries and four chemotherapy treatments.
During the treatment, every joint in her body was in pain, "as if it was poured with cement to open the joints and burst".
Eating "became a dread," and she woke up every morning feeling nauseous, her mouth was salty and astringent, and the tap water for brushing her teeth was like salt water in her mouth.
During her illness, she gained more than ten kilograms, her cheekbones were black, her hair was shaved, and her left breast was removed and reconstructed. "It's like removing all the stuffing from a bun."
Before that, she did not allow herself to be overweight, and her clothes were always as bright as new.
Her life is as "perfect" as her appearance: she has worked in colleges for 9 years, studied for 4 years as a Ph.D. student, and spent 5 years completing her post-doctoral studies. During this period, she also passed the national second-level psychological counselor and children's etiquette lecturer , and later joined an education and training school in Qinhuangdao, became the head of teaching and research, and taught reading and writing classes.
When she was sick, she was immersed in her passion for entrepreneurship. She got up at four or five in the morning every day, worked seventeen to eighteen hours, and ate a meal in two minutes when she was the busiest, "running like a machine".
At that time, she thought it was a waste of time to cook a meal and clean up the housework, and even spending time with her children was also an obligation.
It wasn't until she got sick that she discovered that she had been climbing for so many years that her "foot had left the ground".
Thirty Difficulty Standing
When the hospital's pathological diagnosis report came out, Cao Haiqin was in a school meeting.
Seeing "Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, Histology Grade II" on the report, she instantly became cold and flashed a few thoughts: Is it serious?
How long can I live?
What about the child?
What about the parents?
After thinking about it for a while, she notified her lover and friends of the results one by one.
That afternoon, she took an online writing class as usual, talking about the rise, and sang a few lines to her children.
At that time, what she thought was: when the disease comes, I will deal with it.
The night before she was hospitalized, she wore a tight top and had shoulder-length short hair. She took a photo with the whole family with a smile, brought a few books, packed her clothes and headed to Tianjin Cancer Hospital.
In the face of the menacing disease, she knew nothing and recorded an audio for her son, "like saying last words".
"Some people say that it takes at least 10 years for a tumor to form." Lying in a hospital bed in 2020, Cao Haiqin looked back at the past 10 years and saw a self who was constantly "conquering tasks", while she was 10 years ago. , at the "most anxious time of my life."
That year, she was 30 years old and worked as a counselor in a university in Qinhuangdao for 4 years.
Her impression to the students is "sunshine and cordial".
A freshman remembered reporting on the first day of school and seeing her tying the sleeves of a thin sweater to her chest, "The whole person is glowing. At that time, I felt that I could go to college here."
In more than 20 days, she memorized the names of 136 students, and the memory of many students was as detailed as the county and several members of the family.
The school asked parents to send transcripts. She wrote to each student’s parents, praising the students’ merits, explaining the reasons for failing the course, and encouraging students.
Now, looking back on Cao Haiqin, he was happier than many others at that time: he had a stable job, a happy marriage, just gave birth to a baby, and had no worries about food and clothing.
But at that time, she "stared at the top few people in the class" and found that some of her classmates were studying for a Ph.D., some who published books, and some who made millions a year. Looking back at herself, "there is nothing that can be done."
Standing at the node of thirty standing, Cao Haiqin felt anxious, "I always feel that I can't stand up."
After thinking about it, she decided to pursue a doctoral degree.
As for whether to continue her previous law major, she doesn't care, "as long as it is a liberal arts major." After graduating with a doctorate, she can become a full-time teacher, and she no longer has to work.
She doesn't like to work, especially tired of counting various student forms, checking dormitories, and working night shifts.
Compared with those "purely transactional jobs", she prefers education work. "Doing a watch is not education, but influencing people is education."
At that time, there was a boy in the class who called himself a "problem boy", with a black hair band on his forehead, his hairstyle was rushed, and he was very aggressive.
One early autumn evening, she met the boy in the corridor and listened to the boy talk about the situation at home.
The boy said that she showed neither sympathy nor indifference that day, an attitude that gave him a sense of security.
Later, the boy came to her with a notebook every week, and asked her to make suggestions, write them down, and follow them.
She encouraged the boy to read, and in four years, the boy wrote more than 60,000 words of reading notes.
"This industry is particularly fascinating, and there is always a deep connection between lives." In the second semester of entering the school, because of the lack of teachers in the ideological and political courses, the school asked Cao Haiqin to help.
She, who had never taught a class, bit her head and went to the library to bring a stack of books to study how to teach.
She often interacts with students on Renren.com.
Once, a student left a message to her, "I may have been sitting in the corner and I don't have the teacher's contact information, but the teacher's inadvertent words had a great impact on me."
"This touched me a lot. It turns out that the role of a teacher is so important." Cao Haiqin found that she liked lectures very much. After her Ph.D., she began to prepare lessons on the high-speed rail. While teaching students in Qinhuangdao, she was studying for a doctorate in Beijing. .
That was the happy time she remembered to this day.
"I have improved my knowledge and thinking. I will feel that my life is constantly improving. It can help me fight a lot of anxiety."
She often went to the theater opposite the school to watch the play. After the performance, on summer nights, she and her friends walked to the subway station with the evening wind blowing, and excitedly exchanged the content of the performance.
During her post-doctoral research, she went to Renyi to watch operas, to the National Art Museum to see exhibitions, and to Zhengyi Temple Ancient Theater to listen to Kunqu Opera. Although she could not understand Kunqu Opera, she felt that the lyrics were beautiful and the stage appearance was beautiful.
She read a lot of books on social sciences and humanities, and turned into a full-time teacher as she wished, stepping on high heels and wearing well-matched clothes, teaching professional courses to students.
Today, there are still students who remember her class.
A student left a message. In a discussion on the topic of "patriotism", the teacher told the case of hurting people in the name of Bao Diao, and guided them to think about what is true "patriotism", "This makes me feel Become a real college student and learn to think independently.”
Many students were impressed by the debate class she organized.
A student remembered that during a debate on the crime of prostituting young girls, the class was full of "collisions and excitement", but a classmate thought this topic should not be discussed openly, so Cao Haiqin asked the classmate to be the recorder.
During the teaching period, Cao Haiqin also participated in the establishment of a reading club.
Every weekend, students from different majors gather at their desks to read classic works such as "The Social Contract Theory" and "The Analects of Confucius".
The reading club has been held for 7 years, and many students still keep in touch with her.
A student who has graduated for many years said that it was hard for him to remember what books he read and what topics he discussed in those years, but those nights of deep discussion comforted him, "It is not a centralized lecture forum, nor is it in the name of reading. A pseudo-community that shows that I am different from the vulgar, it gives me a platform to speak freely, and let me know that there are many people who also think that reading and thinking can be used as a way of life, and spiritual needs are needed in this society. "
That is also the spiritual home of Cao Haiqin.
She likes to communicate with "children" and grow together. "It's a deep interpersonal relationship. It's one cloud pushing another cloud, and it's doing things to take care of the soul."
"I hope that I can not slack off, not blindly follow, neither flatter up nor down." Cao Haiqin often reminds herself that as a teacher, you must be wary of arrogance caused by your knowledge and status, be wary of relying on the old and betray the old and stagnant, and even more vigilant. "I am popular with students" vanity.
prove
Cao Haiqin thought that if she had continued to teach in colleges and universities and did not participate in entrepreneurship, she might not have been exhausted.
In order to cure the disease, she underwent four phases of chemotherapy in Beijing.
Chemotherapy led to a decline in white blood cells, and he needed to take a white needle. Three or four hours after each injection, Cao Haiqin felt pain all over his body and could only stay in bed.
After finally waiting for the white blood cells to come up, the transaminase level was high again, and she had to undergo liver protection treatment. "Every day, there are countless details to remind you that you are a patient and don't have any unreasonable thoughts about trying to live a normal life."
When she woke up from the last operation, she was almost "frozen" and paralyzed, only her index finger could move slightly.
Doctors feared a combination of Guillain-Barre syndrome, a dangerous postoperative complication.
Only Cao Haiqin knew that it was the old problem of "periodic paralysis" that had relapsed.
This is a kind of disease with skeletal muscle flaccid paralysis as the main manifestation and repeated attacks, most of which last for more than 10 days.
Since the age of 1, Cao Haiqin has coexisted with this disease.
She is the first child in the family. Her elders were lost because she was a girl. Her parents were busy with work and alienated from her.
She learned to bargain to buy vegetables and cook very early, because a pair of slippers of poor quality had a theory with the seller alone.
For this congenital disease, the family has long been accustomed to it.
When Cao Haiqin was ill when she was a child, her parents put the rice and urinal beside the bed and went to work.
She remembers the helpless herself when she was six or seven years old: lying on the kang alone, staring at the ceiling, struggling to move her body little by little to eat and eat, waiting for her body to recover slowly.
For a long time, she resented the injustice of fate, "Why am I not a healthy child? Why did my parents give birth to me? After giving birth to me, when I was so uncomfortable, they didn't care about me." When she was in elementary school, she did not She told her teachers and classmates about her illness. Because of her weakness, she always ran the slowest in physical education class, which attracted ridicule from her classmates.
"I really want to be able to prove myself in some ways." But she couldn't find a way to prove herself.
In her freshman year, she frantically participated in student clubs and student unions, signed up for various competitions, and went to the library to read books.
After hearing relatives say that Jilin University is good, she worked hard to be admitted to Jilin University as a graduate student.
At 24, she got married because her lover didn't mind her illness and "gives me a great sense of stability."
But marriage doesn't allow her to prove herself.
She studied for a doctorate in anxiety and became a full-time teacher.
In those years, she felt that she was "making progress all the time" and her anxiety was greatly reduced.
What worries her most is her son.
When my son was two or three years old, he suddenly refused to communicate with people, went out to eat to avoid people, and when he saw his peers playing, he would cry and bury his head in his mother's arms.
Cao Haiqin took the child to the hospital and ruled out autism.
But the problem was still unresolved. She began to read psychological books, rummaging through cases similar to her son's situation, and realized that her son's timidity and fear were due to a lack of security.
She took the child out, but did not force the child to say hello, "give him space, and let him be a quiet bystander before he completely relaxes." Under her guidance, her son gradually became cheerful.
Life may go on like this.
But in 2015, Cao Haiqin's teaching position changed, and she was again faced with the situation of where to go.
Cao Haiqin, who was 35 years old at the time, asked himself the question when he was 30 years old again, did he stand up?
The answer is no.
"There is a strong voice in my heart that I am not satisfied with myself." At that time, she went to participate in the postdoctoral interview with the mentality of trying, and was lucky enough to pass.
Her research direction was changed to constitutional law, because her tutor retired halfway, and her research direction changed again. "The span is quite large, and it is a bit difficult for me."
At that time, her goal was to become a researcher in a research institution and concentrate on publishing enough papers, but for various reasons, she failed to do so.
She began to find another way, spending tens of thousands of yuan every year to study, taking image consultant courses, etiquette training courses, business writing courses, speed reading courses, and applying for the national second-level psychological counselor.
But she still can't find her "unique value", "I love writing, but I'm not a good author. I write more than 100,000 words of academic papers every year, but when I look back at those papers, I can't bear to read them. The last good image consultant is far from being a qualified psychological consultant."
She finds her own uniqueness: a love of reading, an understanding of the concepts and methods of education, and a mother who explores how to love her children.
She found a new direction of endeavor: teaching people how to improve their ability to love by studying the classics of psychology.
She has read nearly 100 psychological books, and regularly updates articles on her official account, talking about parent-child relationships. She forms a growth community and holds public welfare salons.
Some parents told her that she had learned to control her emotions and respect her children.
There are also parents who reflect after listening to the course, "Many times we care more about our own feelings, treat children as tools to meet our own needs, and kidnap children in the name of love."
"Doing home education can really make the world a better place, and it can teach a family to treat children properly." She gradually turned her focus to home education.
coerce
Just as she was exploring a new path, at the end of 2018, a friend said that he wanted to set up a Sinology training and education institution and invited her to join.
At that time, Cao Haiqin was choosing humanistic literacy courses for his children, and he studied many courses on the market, but he was not satisfied.
Coupled with the popularity of CCTV Poetry Conference and other programs, and the popularity of Chinese studies, Cao Haiqin felt that the prospects of Chinese studies education were bright and decided to join.
"Because of the mutual nourishment of reading clubs, we feel that it is a very beautiful thing to put our influence on people." Courtesy."
Cao Haiqin plans to "focus on this career" for the rest of her life and "teach parents how to love their children gently and firmly."
In the year-end summary of that year, Cao Haiqin said that he would "start a meaningful career".
She spent the last day of 2018 at the "Luo Zhenyu's New Year's Eve Speech" in Shenzhen, wearing a dress, with open arms, and taking a photo with the speech poster, which said "Friends of Time".
At that time, she was full of prospects for the future, and wrote down a list of her dreams for the next ten years on Weibo, including giving birth to two treasures, opening a flower shop, opening a psychological studio, learning to paint and musical instruments, learning to dive, getting a pilot license, and publishing every year. A book, as well, always maintains its current size around the waist.
After she fell ill, she reposted the Weibo, and her dream list became "Live well. Be with my relatives and make people who love me feel at ease."
During her busiest period, she had almost no time to accompany her family. She got up at four or five o'clock every day to work, and only had a few minutes to eat. Once, she was so busy that she didn't even notice that the soles of her shoes were broken.
After being ill, looking at the road again, Cao Haiqin felt that "the pace was too fast".
At first, they thought it was just a "low-level reading club", but after starting a business, they realized that it was not easy, "to consider labor, rent, management, fire protection...all aspects."
In the spring of 2019, the academy opened, inviting their entrepreneurial friends to be responsible for daily operations, while Cao Haiqin and another teacher focused on teaching.
Soon, the friend withdrew for some reason.
Later, a friend who worked in a Fortune 500 company felt that the industry had good prospects, so he joined in and was in charge of operations.
This friend brought the academy into an enterprise model. The business plan they made is: to develop mature courses as soon as possible, and then to replicate the model, and to increase the scale of enrollment to achieve profitability as soon as possible.
Cao Haiqin, who has been working in the fields of law and political science, has read more than 200 books on reading and writing, developed courses suitable for students, and trained more than a dozen part-time teachers in reading courses every week.
She also conducts family charity classes for parents every week as a value-added service for registration.
In 2020, the new crown pneumonia epidemic suddenly broke out. In order to keep the organization alive, she switched offline classes to online classes and opened public welfare live classes.
In fact, her hands and feet became cold as soon as she broadcasted the live broadcast, which stemmed from her lack of confidence in her appearance as a child.
Before the live broadcast every night, she has been nervous since noon, and she has to read the speech repeatedly during the live broadcast, but she does not allow herself to be "hypocritical" and shrink back, and she has done dozens of live broadcasts in a row.
"I think I'm amazing." She was obsessed with this "super self-discipline" state, thinking about preparing lessons when she was with her son, and thinking about live broadcasts when she was eating.
At that time, there was always a voice echoing in her heart, "You have to do it and show it to those who quit."
"I put too much emphasis on goals, alienated people invisibly, and was coerced into an instrumental rhythm." She reflected on herself, "When a person does not really build self-confidence, he has to find proof. I am too anxious for myself. Make it happen. Too greedy."
While recording online courses, she made post-doctoral outbound reports. She had more and more work, and she was busy until 11 o'clock at night every day to go home.
In May 2020, Cao Haiqin felt more and more tired and loved drinking iced coffee more and more. Every morning, he could barely open his eyes and struggled to get up. His back was heavy and his chest was aching.
At that time, she had not had a physical examination for more than a year, "I felt that there was nothing wrong." She went to Guangzhou to study courses related to family education, and did not find time for a physical examination until August.
She went to the hospital for the medical check-up to accompany her mother-in-law to see a doctor.
"My sincere concern for my mother-in-law saved my life."
pause
Compared with the devastation caused by the disease, Cao Haiqin felt the powerlessness and loneliness brought by the disease.
Once, she went for an enhanced nuclear magnetic resonance examination. After the examination, she returned to the observation room, stuck a needle in one hand, held something in the other, and took a long red coat from the cabinet, trying to put it on herself.
But after pulling it many times from all angles, I couldn't put it on.
The coat slipped to the ground, and the nurse beside her was motionless.
Cao Haiqin stood by the bench in the nuclear magnetic field and suddenly cried.
It was the first time she cried because of illness.
When she saw the pathology results, she didn't cry, and went to the last class of the day as usual.
Before and after the operation, she didn't cry, and she gave her patients psychological counseling every day, but at the moment when she couldn't put on clothes, she was "hit by deep loneliness", "This is a huge sense of powerlessness. Disease, in the face of life, is an overwhelming desolation."
After returning to the ward, she told the patient in a joking tone, how did it become like this, and then resumed her smile.
She is used to taking care of other people's emotions.
When she was a teacher in college, she would occasionally give red wine to insomniac classmates, squeeze a glass of watermelon juice for students who wanted to eat watermelon, and enlighten students who did not go well in postgraduate entrance examinations.
When she was sick, someone said they wanted to eat chicken, so she bought it quietly and shared it. When a patient first moved in, she saw a group of bald heads crying, and she walked over to enlighten her.
"The only thing I haven't been kind to myself." She reflected later.
It was the care of her relatives and friends that helped her survive this "darkest time".
The two friends left work and children, and went to the hospital to take care of her. They wiped her body and feet every day, and carried her to the bathroom.
Her mother-in-law prepares seven or eight kinds of food for her every meal to protect her stomach.
Students gave her calendars, aromatherapy, flowers, wigs.
"They make me feel like I don't have enough."
During the treatment, due to the effect of hormones, Cao Haiqin gained more than ten pounds, her facial features were deformed, and her hair loss was severe. Every morning when she woke up, her pillow was covered with black layers.
Her last chemo left her with hives, red patches all over her body, a burning sensation all over her body, and her eyes were swollen to a single line, like a "nasty red toad".
But she still asked herself to maintain a beautiful posture.
Before each check-up, she would put on her own clothes, put on lipstick and put on earrings.
The night before the operation, she was still putting on the mask, "It's a sense of ritual, it's a declaration of war on the disease, you can't kill me."
In the matter of shaving her head, she also did a good job of ritual: invite friends, some of them are responsible for shaving and makeup, and some are responsible for taking pictures.
"I was the one who pulled up your long hair back then, and today I am also the one who shaved your hair." The friend choked.
When her son saw her, he turned his back and wiped away his tears.
Cao Haiqin didn't cry because she was "mentally prepared".
In one photo, she was wearing a red sweater and a navy blue dress, bald and smiling.
Looking back at the 10 years before he fell ill, Cao Haiqin felt that he was always chasing the "other shore" and could not settle down, "This 'other shore' is sometimes the emotion of the mirror, sometimes the fear of green face and fangs, and more often, it is bizarre Target."
With the help of this disease, she realized the "privilege of freedom" and "can not read, write, think, and get up."
Her life has slowed down, and she has a lot of time watching talk shows, listening to cross talk, chasing palace fighting dramas, and watching the fireworks in the rural food bloggers.
Sometimes, she simply spends an afternoon watching the shadows dance around the room.
She began to taste food seriously.
Once, her family made Sanxian dumplings for her. She was worried that she would vomit, but when she bit the dumpling skin, she smelled the tempting fragrance and felt delicious in her mouth.
Many dusty touches are slowly recovering.
After the two surgeries, she felt "like being sealed by a demon, unable to control her limbs, and firmly imprisoned on the bed." She felt genuine joy every time she could turn over, take a spoon, stand on her own, and wash her hair. Never knew happiness and contentment could be so simple."
She realized that after years of running, she forgot to be content with the moment.
"There are many aspects to being content with the present moment. For example, have you listened to the birdsong in spring, and watched how the leaves have grown from new green to thicker? Have you felt the wind blowing your cheeks getting warmer every day? Feel the change in the temperature of the ground you are stepping on? At the moment, it is especially comforting and resisting involution, because what you can't see with your eyes, you must come to the conclusion that I am not good enough."
In the past, she looked down on these daily routines, but now she admires those "people who can live a good life", "even if he hasn't read any books. Because people ultimately have to live their lives."
She bought a flower pot, collected the seeds, and planted them in the soil.
Seeing the young seedlings emerging from the ground day by day, she recalled that when Su Dongpo was exiled to Huangzhou, he found a piece of land, worked day and night, planted seeds and harvested. It's your own belief that you don't need to be known by others."
She likes Su Shi more and more, "Although I have never experienced the difficulties of farming, I also have a solid feeling of being rooted in the earth."
There are several pots of green plants in the corridor of the hospital. Cao Haiqin named them one by one. The orchid is called "Slim Slender Hand", the white palm flower is called "Painting Boat Listening to Rain and Sleeping", and there is a pot of foliage plants, which she named "" Young Mistress", which is also another name for patients who have had their breasts removed, "I don't compete with other flowers, but are just silent and green."
During her illness, students from the academy wrote to her, hoping that she would go back as soon as possible.
She joked, "We must work hard to recover, live a long life, and provide more writing materials for children."
rebirth
In March 2021, Cao Haiqin ended her treatment, but her body was left with permanent trauma.
One of her breasts was excised and reconstructed, hollowed out and then filled with silicone. In winter, when she returned indoors from the outdoors, her body was hot, but only that breast was cold.
When she was discharged from the hospital, the doctor told her that in order to prevent lymphedema in her upper extremities, she could not hold her child or stir up a spoon while cooking.
Another patient said that she could not drive because she was afraid that the steering wheel would be hit so hard that it would affect her arm.
如今，光是吃药，每个月花费1万多元，而自从她进行博士后研究，已将近7年没有稳定收入。有病友给她介绍干细胞治疗，一针10万元，需要6针，说能降低复发率。曹海琴没敢问，“我只是想稳稳当当活在当下，怎么就需要这么大开销？”
生病之后，曹海琴总在想“为什么是我”，“一定是我的生活里有喂养癌细胞的土壤，如果不把土壤铲除，那就意味着可能还是我。”
反思是痛苦的。有一天晚上，像是被触发了开关，曹海琴哭了两个多小时，“我不够爱我自己。”
“我特别舍得为别人付出”，这为她积攒了很多珍贵的情感，但她知道，付出的另一面是“恐惧”，“心里始终得到的爱不够，就会用多付出的这种方法试图来换取别人给予更多的爱。”
她意识到，自己内心一直是那个躺在床上，等待身体复苏的六七岁小女孩，“自卑、敏感、脆弱，需要被呵护，渴望被宠爱。”但外在的她不停给内在的自己提要求，要向前走，要活得体面，“成为一个让别人看得到的人”。
即使“小女孩”已经多次向她求救，在她直播紧张得手脚冰凉时，在她累得腰酸背痛时，但她发出命令，“怕什么怕，给我上。”“作为她的‘外在父母’，我对她比对谁都残忍。”
现在，为了活下去，她必须学着关注自己的感受。她有脾气了，遇到朋友圈不高兴的人，就拉黑对方。听到不高兴的话，该怼就怼。适当抱怨，她认为也无可厚非。
她的心境投射在一朵粉灿灿的芍药花中。刘禹锡认为芍药花“妖无格”，她不以为然，“关你何事？只要我欢喜，我就这样开，至少没有辜负这年华。”
她仍想自我实现，认为“大劫大难之后，人不该失去锐气，不该失去热度，你镇定了，但仍在燃烧，你平稳了，更加浩荡。”
只是，她的精力大不如从前，深度思考能力变差，打开书却刷起了手机，想写文章却聊起了微信，直播一小会就感到身体虚弱。
有时，她仍然会感到焦虑。对待焦虑，她认为应该像站在站台上看火车，“你只需要看到它，让它呼啸而过，但不会被它带走。”
Friends feel that she is more relaxed.
Before preparing for the live broadcast, she had to repeatedly grind the courseware, put on makeup carefully, and have to cooperate with two people. "The burden is very heavy." Recently, she simply put on makeup, sat on a chair, and started to live broadcast to the mobile phone, "Anyway, there is beauty. Yan."
She regards family education as her career in the second half of her life. "The road to reach the sky doesn't have much hope for me, so I will put my feet on the ground and put more children on the right path."
She still pays attention to public affairs, calls for attention to the mental health of air crash rescuers, forwards information on help from patients undergoing chemotherapy for bone cancer during the Shanghai epidemic, and donates money to patients who have never known each other.
In March 2022, she was invited to share with patients in the Breast Reconstruction Department of Tianjin Cancer Hospital, telling more than a year of her mental journey and telling more patients to "learn to love yourself".
"Most people nowadays don't know how to treat themselves kindly. Our entire society has drawn life into a single line, especially successful women. It seems that they must have a successful career, be beautiful, and not be fat or old. If they don't have a strong enough self, I was taken away. I have to explore how to have a proper position in this era." After passing through the gate of the ghost gate, Cao Haiqin felt, "If I can live 10 more years, I can make my life longer, and everything is in time. ."
In the early stage of treatment, she thought about her epitaph, including "Come, I've loved" and "I'll go first, you'll follow", but she was not satisfied after much thought.
She also thought about holding a memorial service in advance, calling all her relatives and friends, so that everyone could finish what they wanted to say to her in advance.
Fortunately, none of these assumptions came to fruition.
She had a thick head of hair again. In the first two days, the top of her head was a thin and even layer of light black, which was light and soft to the touch. She said, "It's like many butterflies flapping their wings, and it's like the lanugo of a baby. , gentle and vibrant."
China Youth Daily, China Youth Daily reporter Yin Haiyue Source: China Youth Daily